When Grief Hits You from the Side: Invisible Signs You're Struggling and How to Heal
By: Kirah Gayle
Grief doesn’t always announce itself with tears.
Sometimes it creeps in sideways, through anxiety, exhaustion, skipped meals, or three extra helpings at dinner.
You don’t always realize you’re grieving until your body starts talking. Until your sleep goes off. Your mood dips. Your motivation vanishes. And you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror.
This blog isn’t just about grief from loss, it’s about how unacknowledged grief hijacks your life, and how to begin healing without pretending you’re “fine.”
“I Didn’t Know I Was Grieving, Until My Body Showed Me”
One therapist shared how the death of her uncle triggered an overwhelming spiral, not because they were especially close, but because of what came after.
“I wasn’t even crying for him. I was grieving for his son, my 11-year-old cousin who lost both parents in one year.”
The grief didn’t show up in the “expected” ways. Instead, it showed up as:
Constant anxiety every time the phone rang
Emotional eating and sudden weight gain
Insomnia
A complete shutdown of motivation
Guilt over taking time off work
Physical exhaustion despite doing “all the right things”
This is how grief often hides, behind over-functioning, behind self-blame, behind an “I’m okay” mask.
How Grief Disguises Itself in Your Life
Many people think grief = crying. But in reality, grief often looks like:
Physical Signs
Sudden or chronic weight gain or loss
Tightness in chest, shoulders, or gut
Sleep disruption (too much or not enough)
Ongoing fatigue or inflammation
Mental + Emotional Signs
Feeling emotionally “off” or flat
Trouble concentrating or making decisions
Quick to anger or numb to things you used to love
Shame or self-blame for how you're coping
Behavioral Signs
Withdrawing socially or overcommitting to avoid silence
Overeating, overdrinking, overworking, or overspending
Feeling guilty for needing rest or time off
Saying “I’m just tired” instead of “I’m struggling”
“I didn’t even realize how much it affected me until the custody fight calmed down… and I saw what it had done to me.”
Why We Struggle to Grieve
There’s no manual for grief. And for high-functioning adults or caregivers, grieving often feels inconvenient.
We don’t want to fall apart. We want to be strong.
But the body keeps score.
“I took time off work, but I struggled with that. I don’t know why, it’s like we feel guilty for stopping.”
Grief gets buried beneath productivity. And when that happens, it compounds, affecting your identity, confidence, and health.
What Healing from Grief Actually Looks Like
Healing isn’t about “getting over it.”
It’s about letting go of the illusion that grief is linear.
You’re not failing if you’re still hurting months (or years) later. But there are signs that you’re moving forward. According to the therapist:
Signs You’re Beginning to Heal:
You can talk about the person without intense physical reaction
You’re no longer blaming yourself or in denial
Your emotional waves feel more manageable, less unpredictable
You’re re-engaging with parts of life that once felt meaningless
You can feel sadness without collapsing under it
Grief symptoms should start decreasing. Not vanishing, but softening.
The Hidden Link Between Grief and Seasonal Depression
As winter approaches, therapists see a surge in returning clients. Why?
i“It’s darker. Holidays trigger memories. People slow down, and that silence forces feelings to come up.”
This season is especially hard for those who have unresolved grief because everything slows just enough for the pain to surface.
Winter Wellness Reminders:
Be hyper-aware of your triggers: Holidays, anniversaries, colder weather
Create structure: Light therapy, movement, therapy, journaling
Check in on friends who’ve experienced loss: Silence doesn’t mean they’re okay
Recognize your warning signs: Overeating, withdrawal, irritability, numbness
What to Do When You Notice You’re Slipping
Grief doesn’t always announce its arrival. But you can catch it before it buries you.
“I’ve learned to notice when I’m slipping… and I reach out. Therapist. Psychiatrist. Friends. I lean in before I crash.”
You don’t need a perfect strategy. You just need one move:
Call someone.
Text a therapist.
Step outside and breathe.
Say out loud: “I think I’m grieving.”
“Even one phone call can shift everything. It’s okay if you reach out mid-storm or after it passes. Just reach out.”
Final Thought: Grace, Not Perfection
You don’t need to grieve the “right” way. You just need to give yourself grace.
You’re allowed to be exhausted.
You’re allowed to eat the comfort food.
You’re allowed to cry, scream, laugh, rest, and still not be “over it.
“I did the best I could with what I had. I’m not happy about it, but it’s where I’m at.”
That’s grief. That’s growth. That’s being human.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to know they’re not alone.
And if the weight is getting too heavy, don’t wait.
Reach out. Reconnect. Recover.
